When it comes to people...

God’s will comes with its mercies and blessings, making it easier to bear. People’s comments and unwanted advice, however, are often more difficult for the cancer patient to tolerate. I am now talking about the people closest to the patient, Those who really love , care and want the best for their beloved patient. The best  as seen by them and from their point of view. This is where the unwanted advice and endless remarks begin.

“What!! you want to stay in America? Wrong...wrong…you must go back to Saudi…Dr. X there is better than excellent…what is keeping you in the States?” and she forgets that I have a husband who works in America…and that I  need more than  a good doctor who is just a breast  surgeon. In fact, I need a whole team of doctors, the most important being the oncologist who can choose the best chemotherapy for my type of cancer, which is considered rare since I am pregnant. I explain this to her and she is shocked because I am not taking her advice. She mutters “May Allah guide you to the correct path” i.e.her opinion is the “right path”.

As I drop my son off at the day-care center, I see a dear friend. When she notices me, she begins to lecture me without any introductions “I really think you HAVE TO get an abortion… This is my advice for you if you would listen”

Does she know all the details regarding this decision? No.

 Does she know the opinions of my husband , oncologist or my team of doctors? No.

Did I ask for her advice because I was confused and lost? No. Then, why all the unwelcome advice and unwanted opinions?

A close friend calls me unexpectedly…she cares about  me as she would for herself…and I know what a true devoted friend she is…she calls and starts talking with an angry voice… “Your mother told me that you plan to continue with the pregnancy…if the speaker is insane the listener is not…it seems that you’re not quite aware of what you are doing  and need someone to wake you up!!. At this point, she starts screaming “You are sick… you are ill…this is not a flu… this is CANCER…and on top of this what if you have a handicapped child because of getting chemotherapy while you’re pregnant.”

I think you now realize that what I mean. God’s will and fate are much easier to bear than  things that people say.

 Add to that, all the misplaced curiosity and strange questions that come from almost everyone. “Will they remove one breast or two?”

“The chemotherapy will make your hair fallout won’t it?”

“Why did you get cancer? I wonder what the reason could be.”

“How strange, you are a doctor and you still couldn’t detect the disease at an early stage.” In addition to countless more questions and comments.

Dear readers, cancer patients need the help, support and love from the people around them. Please, if you are close to someone suffering from cancer then do not try to impose or force your opinions and do not offer suggestions that may be hurtful. No matter how good your intentions are, it does not mean that your words will not cause pain. If you are just acquaintances then be sure that curiosity does not make you too bold and ask hurtful questions. If you can’t contain your curiosity, then look up the answers in a book or online and then you will know without having to ask.